I am one of those dudes that LOVES CLOTHES! Wearing good clothes that fit my body type well and let me express myself makes me feel like a boss. Nothing brings out my swagger more than a great suit or a killer pair of jeans with the right shoes. My lady can’t get ENOUGH of me in a suit.
News flash guys. This Vitamin T as people in the trans world affectionately call it is a fucking beast. An awesome beast don’t get me wrong. Everyday I look in the mirror and am pumped at the changes I see looking back at me but I gotta say guys– the muscle growth, it’s crazy. I think my new found Incredible Hulk body is the single most noticeable physical change for me since starting Testosterone 4 plus months ago. This sounds like a good thing. And the truth is it is. I’m still a small dude, if I’m being honest, I’d still like to keep gaining more muscle. I just want to wake up and be Ryan Reynolds. Is that too much to ask?
Here’s the thing though.
None of my clothes fit my body. You think I’m exaggerating but it’s no joke. When I decided I was going to accept who I really was, even just on my own, before I came out, I slowly replaced my wardrobe only buying mens clothes. I was careful and super picky, only buying clothes that fit well, that I loved, and that made me feel like my best self. And now. Well now they all look like this.
My leather jacket? Nope.
My Suit jacket? Nope.
My favourite sweater? Nope.
All my shirts? My shoes? Even my God damned wedding ring? Nope. Nope. Mother Fucking Nope.
Enter very manly crying and gnashing of teeth.
The struggle is real guys. It seems like everyday I go into my closet and come out with a new garment of disappointment. A new article of clothing mocking me with a “hardy har har” and an “Oh look! You thought you were going to wear this only 2 month old $60 button up from Zara that you love more than life itself. NOPE! Cause you’re a beefcake now, and you can’t even complain about it, because this is the shit you want! So HA HA!” My clothes are cruel and sharp tongued if you didn’t notice.
That’s the thing though right? How do you complain that you are changing in the exact ways that you’ve always hoped for? You’re supposed to be happy. And you are, but fuck you’re also a wee bit poor because shit you just bought that suit and now you need a new one. AND FOR FUCK SAKE TOPMAN DOESN’T MAKE THAT ONE ANYMORE AND OH MY GOD YOU DON’T WANT A DIFFERENT ONE. YOU WANT THAT ONE!!!! Why is change so hard. Even when it’s so good.
See the problem here? Man Problems.
Oh the inner turmoil. #1stworldproblems #woeismemytestosteroneisworkingtoogood